Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Late at Night When All the World is Sleeping
I stay up and think of... it all. Its a time when I am not in high demand, and not being subjected to the lives of others. A time when I can be with just me, myself and I, collect my thoughts or get lost within them. I do most of my writing during this time. I also think I may feel the most during this time - and just around the time the world starts to stir again.
As my grandmother kisses my daughter good-night, I suddenly long to be kissed too, to be shown the same kind of affection. To have a genuine kind of love expressed to me without requesting it first. I long to be held in general. I slept with my great-grandmother until I was 13 years old. I had my own room, with my own comfy bed, but her bed was so much more comfy, because she was in it. I grew into her bed, in the same way that Emma grew into mine. I could not rest without the warmth of her body, in the same way that Emma finds the most relaxation when cuddling with her very specific stuffed animal.
At this very specific time in my life, I am needy in very specific ways. Some child-like, some not.