Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A Rebirth

Sitting next to my great-grandmother, feeding a sleepy Emma on her 1st birthday


I had a dream last night about a baby. A baby girl. A baby girl that I'd had at home. A baby girl that I had named and was planning to announce to the world. We were in bed with energies that felt like Emma and my grandmother. I was happy with this beautiful, chocolate, bouncing baby girl. And then I started to fret because it had been hours, and she had not cried to be changed or to be fed. I thought surely an infant would have to want to eat by now. And so I put her to my breast, and upon tasting my milk she started screaming. I thought that maybe she was frustrated and wasn't latched on properly, so I tried again and got the same results. So, I switched her to the other breast, and again, upon tasting my milk she started screaming.

I didn't know why she was rejecting me, but it was familiar so I didn't force her. I thought of formula and bottles and formula appeared. I went into a room with a crib and searched through a mess of Emma's baby treasures. All I could find were sippy cups. I needed a bottle to feed this baby, and all I could find were sippy cups. I finally found a bottle, picked up the baby, and then...

I woke up.

It was one of the sweetest and weirdest real-life dreams that I've had in a while. I wanted to ignore my alarm and get back to sleep so that I could get back to this baby girl. The baby who had rejected me, the baby who I had named - whose name I fought hard to remember. After talking it over with my grandmother this morning, I realized that this baby girl really was my baby. It was Emma who had originally rejected breastfeeding, and it is Emma who will be going through a rebirth.

Last week, Emma's dad agreed to the legal name change without any resistance. The only compromise made was that the name "Jalia" remain, which I was completely ok with. At the end of this process, although she will have a lot of names to print, each that she will choose to answer to will have been given to her with the deepest amount of love imaginable.

2 comments:

  1. That was beautiful. Glad that he agreed to the change. I know that meant a lot to you.

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  2. Thanks Sis. I was really surprised that he wasn't reluctant. He's usually concerned that I have some kind of crazy devious motive for certain things. I think he was really able to understand how important this is. I'm glad that we're able to move forward with it.

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