When you're mothering under the roof of a parental figure, why does said parental figure feel that s/he can undermine your authority? If I remember correctly, it was me who carried Emma those 9 months, and it was me who laid up there on that table while the doctor cut her from my womb. I don't mind advice, but I do mind when I give a clear and direct, "NO, you may not", and then grandma comes along with a powerful YES that kicks the shit outta my NO. Sigh. Is it really just a losing battle?
I did not chime in when the grand-folks allowed their 9 year old to go to bed and wake up playing video games. I did not chime in when he screamed, cried and lost it whenever someone came in between him and the video game. It wasn't until they made the decision to take it away from him that I gave the advice that, given the fact that he is obviously addicted, not trusting him to put it away and play with it at appropriate times was a good idea. All I ask is for the same authority. Please don't go over my head, suggests things, give your opinion - trust me, there is a difference. One more reason for me to fantasize about our future home away from this home.
I have the same issue. I do think it is a never ending battle, but I will continue to fight. I'm the one that has to deal with an unruly kid once it becomes a teen, not grandma, grand-dad, or anyone else for that matter. I think grandparents over step their boundaries and don't realize the negative impact they are having on kids. I love your blog BTW. You should check me out at brownskinmind.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI am a product of the lifelong battle between grandma and sometimes grandpa and even the well-meaning uncles and my mother. It happens in multi-generational homes...I'm not sure how folks whose cultural standard is to live in multigenerational homes pattern this out, but it did not work for us.
ReplyDeleteI was good and grown by the time I realized and accepted that my mother had good sense and sound judgment in some areas. (and even when she didn't I was HER child and we should still have been given the freedom to learn from each other) Run!
@ Janelle: Thanks so much for weighing in. I'm gonna stay in the fight too! We have to. Our children have to respect us and our word, and so do our parents. They might have a certain level of authority because they are our parents and grandparents, but at the same time, they have to understand that we are not ignorant to how to raise our children, and if we desire a second opinion, we'll ask for it, lol.
ReplyDelete@ T: I'm gonna run girl, like the wind! I think our parents/grandparents operate under the rule that there can only be one chief, lol.