Thursday, November 4, 2010
Categorizing, Universalizing and Labeling Continued
A month before becoming invested in the latest babbling bus load of bullshit, I was emotionally invested in trying to figure out why the fuck the folks behind the No Wedding No Womb campaign, and their followers, were so invested in “putting the padlock on our panties.” Why was it so hard for any of them to admit that the language heading their campaign was flawed and disrespectful? Why was it so hard for any of them to recognize why single mothers by circumstance and by choice were so upset and turned off by the launch of their attack? Why was it so hard for married supporters of the campaign to realize that not all married mothers were supporters of the campaign? Hello. And finally, why and HOW did the launching of this campaign get some single mothers to drink the Kool Aid and start viewing themselves as bad mothers for having a failed marriage, or choosing to become single mothers, or never seeking marriage to begin with, or being o-damn-k with the term “baby mama” because they have realized that it is actually a term that is free to be appropriated?
I am still fuzzy on why the campaign took up the term “baby mama” in the first place as a way to address single parenthood as a whole and/or unplanned pregnancy. I am fuzzy on how and why a campaign would take up entertainment (ie Maury Povich) as the driving reasoning behind the campaign and just why the hell these folks feel the need to “save the children of single mothers from single mothers." And if we really want to break the term “baby mama” down, and see the words for what they literally mean, then that would make every woman who has ever mothered a baby’s mother. My name is Barbara Henry, and as my sister Traci stated in her beautiful letter to her son, “I” am Emma’s mother and there is NOTHING about the state of my mothering that is wrong or should be undone or rethought. If I had it to do over again, I’d do it the same way. She continues to grow into an amazing person because of the start in life that "I" have given her, the unique dynamic that has shaped our lives. Emma was conceived in love and is being raised in love. Point. Blank. Period.
I was in complete shock when I went over to Moms of Hue to find the site in full support of the campaign against single motherhood. And yes, the campaign is a full on attack. I was thinking, “how could the site be in full support when there are members of the team who are not in support of the campaign at all?” It was hurtful to read what some of the people that I had been comfortable sharing my life and lifestyle with really thought about women who have had kids out of wedlock. When it comes to Moms of Hue, why wasn’t the team notified of this kind of considered endorsement? We'd always been notified of everything else. Why weren’t team members who were clearly offended contacted by leadership? And where in the fuck is my apology? For these reasons, and insensitive commentary from the site’s founder, I had to end my relationship with the “movement”, and I am publicly apologizing to all of my single mama friends that I even sent over there. Why stay on after it was made crystal clear that my status was not valued. If my status was not valued, why the fuck would my experiences be? Uh huh… BABBLING BUS LOAD OF BULLSHIT.