Wednesday, January 23, 2013

She Does Not Have to be Good

From my Writing Ourselves Whole writings:

And she decided, right here, right now that her broken record does not have to be good.  The record that replays itself over and over on days like today.  She's come to the realization that, just like other things, she can also change the meanings of words.  Bad does not have to be entirely bad because sometimes good is just plain old safe.

Like, if that broken record's lyrics profess all the ways in which she is different from other women her age, she can let those lyrics in with the warmer meaning of transformation.  Meaning transformed into girl, not woman.  Of course she is different because that girl within her has not fully healed, but is still seeking, chasing metamorphosis.

And if that broken record's lyrics begin to paint a picture of all the things she does not have, she will simply uncap her sharpie and pen "YET".  For maybe not this time, this place, this state, but another that is more appropriately her own. 

She decided right here, right now that everything in her life does not have to be all good.  If everything were all good all the time, she would have never grown.  She would have never wanted more, she would have never moved.  She may not have been able to keep convincing herself with her famous inner monologue, "it's ok, it's ok, everything's ok".

If she does not have to be good nor does her broken record, maybe she will have the courage to rewrite the lyrics, to sing a new tune - out loud, for the world to hear.  To be seen, to be heard, to shine, to make mistakes and bounce back from them, to actually see within herself what others tell her they see.

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