A Rebirth

Sitting next to my great-grandmother, feeding a sleepy Emma on her 1st birthday

I had a dream last night about a baby. A baby girl. A baby girl that I'd had at home. A baby girl that I had named and was planning to announce to the world. We were in bed with energies that felt like Emma and my grandmother. I was happy with this beautiful, chocolate, bouncing baby girl. And then I started to fret because it had been hours, and she had not cried to be changed or to be fed. I thought surely an infant would have to want to eat by now. And so I put her to my breast, and upon tasting my milk she started screaming. I thought that maybe she was frustrated and wasn't latched on properly, so I tried again and got the same results. So, I switched her to the other breast, and again, upon tasting my milk she started screaming.

I didn't know why she was rejecting me, but it was familiar so I didn't force her. I thought of formula and bottles and formula appeared. I went into a room with a crib and searched through a mess of Emma's baby treasures. All I could find were sippy cups. I needed a bottle to feed this baby, and all I could find were sippy cups. I finally found a bottle, picked up the baby, and then...

I woke up.

It was one of the sweetest and weirdest real-life dreams that I've had in a while. I wanted to ignore my alarm and get back to sleep so that I could get back to this baby girl. The baby who had rejected me, the baby who I had named - whose name I fought hard to remember. After talking it over with my grandmother this morning, I realized that this baby girl really was my baby. It was Emma who had originally rejected breastfeeding, and it is Emma who will be going through a rebirth.

Last week, Emma's dad agreed to the legal name change without any resistance. The only compromise made was that the name "Jalia" remain, which I was completely ok with. At the end of this process, although she will have a lot of names to print, each that she will choose to answer to will have been given to her with the deepest amount of love imaginable.

It's the Little Things

Taken at a meet & greet picnic for new and alum student-parents at the University of California, Berkeley

Reppin' the Student Parent Association for Recruitment & Retention

It's in the Air!

Sharing in Beyonce's sheer joy as she rubbed her belly nearly brought me to tears. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy pregnancy! She belted out her celebration of beautiful love, and I loved every single moment of it. Yes, love and carriage filled the air today, as I found out that several of my good sister-friends are also expecting.

Huge congrats and happiness to all the parents and their new little ones who will be arriving this year!

Stylish Blogger Award

Pollen is not the only thing in the air around here these days. LOVE is swirling! Kiianah over at the oh so stylish natural hair blog, Rockin' it Napptural, awarded me this Stylish Blogger Award. Yay me! If you aren't following Miss Kiianah, you need to be! You don't have to be natural to benefit from all of the useful information that Kiianah provides about healthy hair and healthy hair care products. And, who doesn't love to look at beautiful hairstyles! Thanks a bunch for sharing your shine with little ole me :)

You know how it works. You can't receive props without giving some, so here are the rules for this award.

To accept the award, you must:

• Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award
• Share 7 things about yourself
• Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers
• Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award

7 Things About Me (is there anything you still don't know?!?)

1. I love cowrie shells! Every chance I get, I'm buying an accessory made with them.
2. I think I may have been a child of the 70s in my former life. There is nothing like Disco!
3. I still haven't figured out what I wanna be when I grow up.
4. I got my first and only tattoo when I was 16 years old.
5. Sunflowers are my favorite.
6. I'm addicted to hairstyle magazines.
7. I would love to have one more baby.

And the awards go to:

1. Kala Pohl Studio
2. Creative Ramblings
3. QuellyRue Designs
4. Naturally Beautiful Hair Blog
5. Beauty in Rare Form
6. Beads Braids Beyond
7. Happy Girl Hair
   
8. What its All About
9. Mama C and the Boys
10. Foreigner in Buckeye Nation
11. Airial's Blog
12. Making My Mark
13. Natural Selection
14. Outdoor Afro
15. Sarah London

I'm Doin' Me!

Life is too damn short to live unhappily!

Chasing Understanding

I haven't really been feeling all that great lately. I had to reserve a crying day to rid myself of some of what's on my mind. And I felt completely stripped afterward, needing a few days to recover. Deep in the throws of re-evaluation, hard pills have been swallowed. The conclusion: I need to walk away. That just isn't something I do. I don't just throw in the towel the first, second or third time around. I stick shit out, fight to the death, and even when its clear that I've done all that I can do, and been all that I can be, I still hold on for a little while longer. However, there isn't just a thin line between love and hate, but also one nestled between loyalty and stupidity. Like I said, hard pills.

Chasing Romance

For the most part, the whole honeymoon stage of a relationship can be one of the most annoying phasing when you're on the outside looking in. Witnessing two love birds who can't turn or make a move without each other, finishing each others' sentences, replacing each others' actual names with nick names... its enough to make you wanna puke and... its something that I miss having.

I remember, way back when, when My Guy and I used to talk on the phone multiple times a day, when I arrived home to find flowers waiting for me on my doorstep, when we used to laugh together, when we went out on dates, when we fell in love. I want that old thang back. Back before he became law enforcement, back before his life became so stressful, back before he met her. Back before I forgot what it is that I really wanted, back before we let life get the best of us and our relationship. And even upon starting over, it seems that the honeymoon phase escaped us. We are forever chasing romance, chasing "us" time, chasing a deeper understanding of ourselves as individuals and as a unit, chasing what comes after "this". Seems that the 'easy' is always made so incredibly complicated.

I just want one, amazingly romantic date. Just one. I want to feel like I'm the center of his world. Like nothing else matters. I want to be wined and dined, showered with affection - none of which has to involve over-thinking whether or not we can afford it. Just one romantically charged night is definitely not too much to ask for.