I think I've been aware of, and struggling against, domestic violence since before the age of 8.
I recall hearing my mother crying out as her boyfriend had her pinned down to her bed. As I kept swinging the bedroom door open, I could see that he was on top of her with his hands around her neck. Each time I would swing the door open, he would swing it back toward me, trying to shut me out of the altercation. However, I would not be shut out. I could not be shut out. Even at that early age, my first instinct was to protect my mother. From somewhere in the house I retrieved one of those big thick novelty pencils, returned to my mother's room and swung the door open one last time. I rushed in and started beating her boyfriend in the back with the pencil. He released his hold on her neck, rose and turned toward me. Afraid, I backed off, retreated from the room and the door was slammed shut. It was time to call for help, except I couldn't, because he had ripped the phone cord from the wall. I had to resort to fleeing the apartment to a neighbor's house, leaving my mother with her abuser. I dialed great-grandma. She showed up to that upstairs apartment, gun in hand.
Now the mother of a 7 year old, I realize how small I was, what could have happened to me had he turned his rage toward me, what could have happened to my mother had I not intervened. As a small child, I should not have had to be so brave, however, my bravery saved a life that day. In the end, Bigmama didn't shoot him, although, as a woman who didn't play that shit, that's what she came there to do. In the end, my mother stayed in the relationship. In the end, I vowed that I'd NEVER be hit by a man and stay. Thus far, I have never been hit by any man, but I have been emotionally abused and raped, and stayed, and raped again. It took the second rape for me to recognize that I was in an abusive relationship, and it was then that I ended that relationship. My second vow: for my daughter to NEVER have to be as brave as I was when I was her size, and for her to NEVER witness her father's mistreatment of me.
I'd encourage us all to take our awareness a bit further and transform it into action. If you know a woman or man who is being abused (physical,mental, emotional, sexual) get involved! Many of us are afraid to get involved. Afraid that if we do get involved we may loose a friend. Well, if you don't get involved, you may still loose a friend!
Be aware. Be vigilant. Be brave!
I recall hearing my mother crying out as her boyfriend had her pinned down to her bed. As I kept swinging the bedroom door open, I could see that he was on top of her with his hands around her neck. Each time I would swing the door open, he would swing it back toward me, trying to shut me out of the altercation. However, I would not be shut out. I could not be shut out. Even at that early age, my first instinct was to protect my mother. From somewhere in the house I retrieved one of those big thick novelty pencils, returned to my mother's room and swung the door open one last time. I rushed in and started beating her boyfriend in the back with the pencil. He released his hold on her neck, rose and turned toward me. Afraid, I backed off, retreated from the room and the door was slammed shut. It was time to call for help, except I couldn't, because he had ripped the phone cord from the wall. I had to resort to fleeing the apartment to a neighbor's house, leaving my mother with her abuser. I dialed great-grandma. She showed up to that upstairs apartment, gun in hand.
Now the mother of a 7 year old, I realize how small I was, what could have happened to me had he turned his rage toward me, what could have happened to my mother had I not intervened. As a small child, I should not have had to be so brave, however, my bravery saved a life that day. In the end, Bigmama didn't shoot him, although, as a woman who didn't play that shit, that's what she came there to do. In the end, my mother stayed in the relationship. In the end, I vowed that I'd NEVER be hit by a man and stay. Thus far, I have never been hit by any man, but I have been emotionally abused and raped, and stayed, and raped again. It took the second rape for me to recognize that I was in an abusive relationship, and it was then that I ended that relationship. My second vow: for my daughter to NEVER have to be as brave as I was when I was her size, and for her to NEVER witness her father's mistreatment of me.
I'd encourage us all to take our awareness a bit further and transform it into action. If you know a woman or man who is being abused (physical,mental, emotional, sexual) get involved! Many of us are afraid to get involved. Afraid that if we do get involved we may loose a friend. Well, if you don't get involved, you may still loose a friend!
Be aware. Be vigilant. Be brave!
